Sacred Parenting Ch. 7 - "Burning Love"

Intro

A. It's a bit of a clique in Christian circles, but it applies to this chapter - "hate the sin, not the sinner."

• We know ourselves to be sinners, so it ought not to surprise us when our children misbehave as they too are sinners

B. Gary Thomas points out that anger itself is not a sin

• 535 occurrences of "anger" "wrath" or "angry" in the Bible


• 65% of those occurrences refer to the Lord's anger or wrath


• Ps 6:1 - "rebuke me not in Your anger."


• Ps 38:1 - "though You were angry with me."


• We also have the most famous depiction of anger in Jesus' response to the money-changers at the temple who were cheating worshippers out of their money (Matt 21:12)

He "cast" them out; He "overthrew the tables"

This was a physical response

Thomas: God's wrath is often very forceful & passionate

C. We need to be careful when it comes to our own anger - we are not holy and are often not justified in our anger as God is always justified in His anger

• Augustine: "not such a disturbed feeling as exists in the mind of an angry man, but that His (God's) just displeasure against sin


• Gary Thomas says that when he would become angry at his children sometimes he almost didn't recognize himself


• Key: Motivation

Nehemiah - An Example of Righteous Anger

A. Nehemiah became angry when he heard Israelites were taking advantage of other Israelites who were more poor (similar to internet schemes taking advantage of tragedies - Katrina, etc.)

• Nehemiah 5:6-7 - he became righteously angry


• Yet, he "pondered;" paused and thought about the motivation behind his anger


• Key: He subjected his anger to wisdom and rational thinking

Moses - An Example of Unrighteous Anger

• Numbers 20:10 - his anger was a loss of control as he struck the rock and caused water to gush out


• His anger was motivated by his loss of patience at the grumbling of the Israelites in the desert


• He also used the word "we" in pronoucing the water to come out


• As a result Moses was punished and told he would not be able to enter the promised land


• Key: it's NOT unrighteous to punish your children


• Must be for a righteous reason - take time to "ponder" as did Nehemiah

Walking Near the Dark Side

A. Gary Thomas relates the story of a young mother who lashed out in anger by yelling at her infant because the child was constantly crying

• Thomas: "Anger toward babies almost always relates to how we, the parents, are being inconvenienced."


• Ps 37:8 - "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath."


• Eph 4:31 - "Get rid of all anger."


• James 1:19 - "Be slow to become angry."

B. We have two options in dealing with our anger, as Thomas suggests:

1. Become hyper-religious and try to avoid anger altogether (we know how being hyper-religious worked out for the Pharisees)


2. Learn to walk in the field of anger, knowing that sometimes we will err as we learn to express appropriate anger

• There is a time for anger (Eccl. 3:1-9); the key is balance

Relationship Behind the Wound

A. Why does God get angry with His people?

• Because he cares; the stakes (our souls) are so high


• As parents, the greater our emotional involvement, the greater our potential to get angry


• However, acting out of woundedness can get us into all kinds of trouble

B. What's the solution?

• Act in a way that it's all about our children (not us) and THEIR relationship with God


• When we get angry - step back and take inventory (Nehemiah)


• Caveat: handling anger this way is, according to Thomas, is "a fine art crafted out of many and repeated failures."

Where Angels Fear to Tread - Conclusions

A. Thomas warns us not to be performance-driven in our pursuit to control anger

• Anger is like a "toxic substance" - necessary for certain occassions, but you must handle with care

B. 5 Parameters to Follow in Applying Anger

1. Enter into anger reluctantly (James 1:19)


2. Limit our anger - contain anger in its proper season (Eccl. 3:1-9)


3. Govern anger with reason, maturity, & wisdom (I Cor 13)


4. Righteous anger is a double-edged sword - do we get equally upset when we commit the same sins?


5. Love - not wrath - is the ultimate Christian response