Gary Thomas: "Sacred Parenting" Chapter 3 (The Gold Behind the Guilt)

I. Introduction
a. Guilt probably means different things to different people.
b. *Definition of guilt

i. Having committed an offense

ii. Feeling of culpability for offenses

iii. Feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy

c. Guilt is not being pointed to as a feeling to avoid, but one that can be used
d. Our greatest fear in life should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter – Francis Chan

II. What about parenting makes you feel guilty?

a. Not being home enough
b. Being home so much that your children can’t avoid seeing your flaws
c. Lack of quality time
d. Putting your needs above someone else’s you love
e. Having goals or activities that aren’t tied to our children
f. American dream – focusing on the wrong things in our own lives, in our children’s lives or both

III. Thomas reasons why we feel guilty

a. Impossible to get it right

i. Parenting demands skills we don’t yet have
ii. High speed game and you can’t always prepare for it

1. College to NFL – Vince Young
2. Not very many opportunities to “do it over”

iii. Stay at home moms

1. nonstop activity with the kids
2. So easy to do 20 things right and one wrong that sticks out to the children

iv. Working parents are

1. home during a small portion of the waking day of your child
2. balance of doing work well, parenting well and having the right attitude at the right time

b. Parenting Produces guilt by design

IV. Samuel syndrome

a. Read 1 Samuel 8:1-3: 1When Samuel became old, he made his sons judges over Israel. 2The name of his firstborn son was Joel, and the name of his second, Abijah; they were judges in Beersheba. 3Yet his sons did not walk in his ways but turned aside after gain. They took bribes and perverted justice.

b. Take heart

i. Samuel did many things right
ii. Bible doesn’t say he did it wrong as a parent

1. Doesn’t mean trying to be a Godly parent doesn’t matter

a. Eli in 1 Samuel 3:13 – does cast blame
b. 1 Tim. 3:4-5 about serving in the church with poorly disciplined children
c. We feel guilty for who our children become, but role is not to create our children
d. Role is to shepherd our children into those who bear God’s image…not ours

i. Take too much credit for the good and the bad
ii. No one can be a good enough parent four our child to deserve salvation, but also can’t be bad enough to condemn our children
iii. 2 Chronicles 17:3 “The LORD was with Jehoshaphat, because he walked in the earlier ways of his father (Asa’s father) David. He did not seek the Baals, 4but sought the God of his (Asa’s) father and walked in his commandments, and not according to the practices of Israel.”

e. Do you try to make yourself the kind of parent that fills the place of God in your children’s lives? Do you want them to love you the way they should love God? Why or why not?

V. Gold-plated guilt – how can God use Guilt to help us grow?

a. Points us to God

i. Luke 12:48b “….Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.”

1. God is asking a lot from us
ii. Model the need for God

2. Tell children why you are not God (imperfect, just like them) and why you need a savior as much as they do

a. Solemn, dragging, grumpy a couple of weeks ago and just not having a great attitude with Luke
b. Apologized and he was fine. Said, “Thanks for showing me grace Luke even though I don’t deserve it.”
c. Response “Daddy, I will always love you, even when you do things I don’t like.” Praise God!

3. “Guilt shouldn’t be a parking lot, but a carwash.”
b. Guilt can motivate us to do better
i. Look at your own failings with

1. God’s grace in mind
2. God’s provision in mind – we should lean on him, not ourselves

ii. John 8:11 “…Go now and leave your life of sin.”

4. Use it as positive motivation
c. Guilt can remind us of God’s providence
i. Trust God and let some responsibility fall back on him as he is perfect and can handle it
ii. Pray for God to make up for our weaknesses or better for him to raise our children and use us appropriately in the process
d. Teach us to love mercy
i. Micah 6:8 “8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly[a] with your God.”

5. (ahab - Hebrew) Love mercy is embrace and have passion for and to live for
ii. James 2:13 “For judgment is without mercy for those who show no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment”
6. What our lives are about – the fact that judgment would condemn us all, but mercy is great, more powerful and more wonderful than judgment.
iii. Therefore, we should turn our guilt into an act of worship that God is greater than what we deserve

e. Therefore, this is all a positive hidden agenda
i. To have us turn our children over to the Lord
ii. To have us improve what we do / how we parent and shepherd our children
iii. To remind us that God is greater than us and his hand is in a Godly family
iv. To remind us to worship him
v. Brings us as individuals closer to him and into a better relationship with him

VI. Conclusion
i. Bumbling imperfect messes as we try to be parents that glorify the Lord